Another clueless, airhead model

Saturday, April 24, 2010

The Devil and Thomas Adams


She waited patiently, bidding her time in 4.44 degrees Celsius. Sugar, Water, Vegetable Oil preserving her till "Best By Jun-16-10". This slurry had briefly seduced the teenager; evident by the finger size indention on her surface. Coconut, Dextrose, Corn Syrup. The teenager would not suffice. His body, impregnated with Mountain Dew, Red Bull and Big Macs would provide near limitless energy but his mind would be too willing to submit. She desired the cerebral pangs of addiction in another, another who resisted her for the past three weeks. What was her purpose? This matrix of Polyoxethylene-Sorbitan Monostearate and Mono-and Diglycerides with Propyl Gallate concocted in the test tubes of a multi-million dollar food conglomerate. Why did she come to his domain? Was she a cohort of the demon that covered the birthday cake lo those months ago? Seemingly unnecessary and now relegated to the forgotten realm where pickles, catsup and expire yogurt reside.

Oh she was vast in her reach, not just a single plastic tub of frosting. The Succubus had spread her tentacles over the country. Reveling in the senescence of America she was well entrenched in the food supply – bread, soft drinks, baby formula, breads…. first or second in the list of ingredients. She came in many guises, most commonly as high fructose corn syrup. HFCS - the cheap toxic enzymatic processing of glucose into fructose.

Nearing a half-century he tired of the highs and lows, sluggishness and the poison. He had purged himself of all weaknesses save this one. It was easy to rationalize that a 4-mile run earned him a trip to Shipley's Donuts, a Mr. Spunkmeyer cookie for toiling all day without eating or a double size Snickers because he had gone without sugar for a week. "Foolish mortal" she laughed, "you cannot leave me, I am everywhere".

For four years he ignored the warnings, the pleadings of the lovely oracle that the Sugar Succubus had seduced him. He had conquered many demons before and she would fall also he retorted. The oracle is now gone and he must fight alone. The line in the sand had been drawn. Three weeks nigh he has resisted her siren call. There were near moments of weakness though; jonesin' for a chocolate glaze donut, an Oreo double stuff cookie. "Take me now" she purred but his will was strong. Her evil was purged from his body but not his house. On the third week he cleaned out the refrigerator and found her. No one's here he mused, no one would know but me.

No! Temptress you will not have me!

She screamed as he wiped her from the container into the bowels of the garbage can.

There, done! But she was still on his fingers! "Exorcizamus te, omnis immudus spiritus, omnis incursion infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregation et secta diabolica".

He had won the day. But she will return to seduce anew.